Will We Make It Thru December Part Four
by solista
Summary: Murdoch has a quiet moment


_**Will We Make It Thru December**_

_**Part 4**_

He sat alone in the quiet of the deep night, feet up on the hassock in front of the over sized leather chair.

The logs in the fireplace giving off a sullen glow and warm heat as it settled into the last sparks of the night.

Murdoch Lancer sighed; it was a deep heart felt sigh... then he smiled. Today had been one of the best days of his life, since his two sons had come home... was it six, seven months ago.

The days leading up to Christmas were frantic... but he had learned an astute lesson... take each day as if there would be no tomorrow.

Taking a sip of the brandy Murdoch Lancer thought back on today, it had been his younger son's, birthday.

He smiled, how he ever thought he could pick up being a father after so many years had passed and his boys were grown men. How did he ever think he could actually control his younger boy, his impetuous, dynamic, enigmatic, younger boy?

Johnny had just turned nineteen, not yet a man in the eyes of the law, but a grown man in the rights of passage. The boy had grown up hard and fast in the border towns between Mexico and the United States.

How did his second wife Maria think the boy could grow up happy as a child of mixed heritages in the border towns. The deep blue of his eyes would mark him forever and become a banner for all manner of pain and suffering.

Maria left him and took... no stole his baby boy. Johnny had not even turned two she never even waited until after Christmas... Johnny's gifts still wrapped in a box in the attic had awaited the return of his blue-eyed boy.

Smiling again, he wondered if Johnny would have liked the toy horn, new boots and hand carved wooden horses and cattle. Some how he thought Johnny would have loved anything his Popi had given him.

His younger boy was not materialistic; oh, he spent his money on good horses, tack, weapons of any sort and took extra care of them all. For himself one or two shirts, pants and good sturdy pair of boots was all he needed.

That was why the boy was quiet thru the entire gift giving, he had never expected too much... had never needed too much.

The outpouring of love had over whelmed him, that he had ridden away from the hacienda... it was his way of coping and sorting through his emotions.

Hearing the door open and close and the familiar ring of spurs on the tile floor had the older man voice one word, one name, "_**Johnny?"**_

_**LANCER**_

The soft footfalls accompanied by the jingle stopped then turned direction and approached the great room. A now familiar drawl for-told the return of his baby boy, "You still up Ol' Man?"

The salutation should have enraged him, but he knew the inflection in the delivery was one of caring and love, "Si mijo, I couldn't sleep until all my children were tucked up in their beds."

Looking up as his son cat footed it over to him, he had to smile, and the boy looked frozen through. However, the smile, which graced his lips, warmed his soul.

"You look frozen through, come sit by the fire... drink," they smiled at each other, the same devilment shone in different shades of blue eyes. A remembered time shared by father and son of a challenging first meeting.

"Yeah... you want a refill." Johnny asked in his soft, silky voice as he walked over to the liquor cart.

"No, thank you son, I'm still good," he watched his boy out of the corner of one eye. Critically taking in the measure of the young man... the boy was tired, as a father he could see it in the slumped shoulders and the drowsy blue eyes of his younger son, "You get 'things' sorted through son?"

Johnny moved to sit on the hassock in front of his father and Murdoch obliged by moving his feet to the floor.

Taking a sip of the tequila, Johnny held the glass in both hands, head bowed he nodded, "Yeah somewhat... still got things ta sort out," the head tilted up and Murdoch was met with a grinning face, "but things are settlin' in... not as confusin'."

Murdoch watched as his son took another sip of the fiery liquid his younger boy enjoyed.

Leaning forward towards his son, Murdoch took one of his big work hardened hands and gently patted his sons leg, "Things will work out... you have family now... we are all here to help you... just ask."

Johnny nodded a small grin on his lips, "Yeah I know."

Shifting on the hassock Johnny looked into the blue of his father's eyes, "I... well I just never asked help from anyone... usually I had ta figure things out on my own. Some times it came easy other times it was a struggle ta do tha right thing."

A scuffed sound at the door told the two men someone else had joined them. Johnny smiled at his father, eyes dancing he addressed the interloper, "Might as well come in brother, kinda cold out there in tha shadows."

The tall, blond haired older son of Lancer entered the room buttoning his shirt, now un-tucked, and unusual for the meticulously clad Boston replant.

Johnny turned and smiled at the older man, "Ya know tha 'patron's' gonna be mighty mad when no one shows up for chores in tha mornin'."

Scott walked to the liquor cart and picked up the brandy decanter. Holding it up and shaking it to silently ask if any one else wanted a re-fill, when no one answered in the positive he poured a couple of fingers worth in a glass.

Replacing the glass container, he turned and moved to the over-sized hassock and wiggled his lean butt to motion his little brother to move over, sitting down the brothers' shoulders and hips touched.

Neither brother tried to make any distance between them.

"So little brother the weather got too cold out there," Scott, yawned, and then placing the glass to his lips took a sip.

Johnny smiled, "Nah... I just missed your wrinkled face," Johnny smiled at the wrinkle from a pillow crease across his brother's usually smooth cheek.

Scott bumped his brother's shoulder just as Johnny lifted the glass to his lips. A big grin hidden behind the glass and Johnny bumped back, just as Scott took a sip.

A bit of brandy fell to dribble down his chin and he wiped the moisture with a finger, smiling all the while.

Murdoch could only smile, his tight lipped smile, admonishing both 'boys' with the laughing glare from his blue eyes and the softer reprimand of one word, "Boys."

Three heads turned as the rattle of china cups proceeded the entrance of yet another interloper, "Johnny, I'm glad you're back... the temperature is dropping outside."

Teresa O'Brien the fourth member of the Lancer clan carefully sat the tray and its contents on the coffee table, "Now I have tea, warm milk and some cookies... if everyone has insomnia... maybe one of these will help."

Murdoch sat back, "Thank you dear... I hope we didn't wake you."

She waved a hand in front of her, "No I was awake...you know I'm just an ol' mother hen. Can't sleep when one of my chicks are astray."

Smiling she poured herself a cup of tea then went to sit on the floor at Murdoch's knee.

The big man put a hand to her dark haired head, "You are so good to us all... just what have we done to deserve you?"

She took a sip if her tea before answering, Johnny had gotten up and grabbed one of the overstuffed pillows from the sofa, "Here mi hermana, sit on this that floors gotta be cold."

Teresa smiled up at her 'brother', setting the teacup on the floor she took the pillow and sat it beside the chair on the floor. Settling her petite body on the soft feather pillow, "Gracias mi hermano," she replied sitting back and once more holding her cup.

Scott nodded as his 'little' brother once more sat his lean butt back beside him... hands full with a glass of milk in one hand and cookies in the other.

Scott snatched one of the cookies and smiled at his brother's glare... which was replaced by a contented smile from the younger man, "So little brother...how was your birthday?"

Everyone waited, silently, holding their breaths as the young man took his time to answer... if he answered them at all.

If Johnny didn't want to talk... he wouldn't and if he did it was usually one or two words... this was something the 'family' had learned to deal with... though it drove each member crazy at times.

Johnny took his time chewing the sweet sugar cookie and taking a good swallow of the milk. Clearing his throat, he bowed his head.

The words were spoke softly, "Well ta tell ya tha truth... it was everything I had always dreamed it could be."

A smile both happy and sad graced his lips, "Guess I never had a 'proper' birthday 'afore... it was just never thought of or if it was I got a new toy... well it was new to me."

Johnny remembered the cast off toys already well used or even broken... but at the time, they were a treasure.

He looked up into the eyes of his father... Murdoch looked sad and hurt, "But Momma an me got along ok... it's just how it was."

Scott bowed his own head; he had lived a privileged life, while his little brother was happy with a cast off toy, moreover, retained a giving heart and optimistic outlook to life.

Teresa could not even imagine growing up like Johnny... she had been showered with love, gifts and a sense of belonging to two very special men in her life, in addition, belonging to the land ... to Lancer.

Murdoch could have cursed his wife Maria... why did she do it... he could accept that she fell out of love for him.

Nevertheless, to put their innocent child into that life was unforgivable. Johnny would have grown up loved, to grow up under the tutelage of a proud father and the security of family, "I'm sorry son."

Johnny looked at the hangdog faces of his family... that's why he didn't tell him how it really was growing up.

_**LANCER**_

Johnny continued, may as well get both feet wet, "I don't like talkin' 'bout my past... not when I see the sad faces ya'll put on."

Standing, he moved over in front of the mantle... the fire giving off welcoming warmth. Setting the empty glass on the mantle he turned back to his family, "I really didn't have it that bad... don't miss what ya never had."

His family's faces softened as they waited silently... waiting for him to bare his soul.

Well some things just wern't ever coming to the light... it was best '_they'_ stayed in the dark, "I had happy days... I grew up fast, I did what I had ta do ta survive."

He smiled at the people that had broken down his walls built from pain, disappointment and fear.

These people, this family had wrapped their love around a heart, which was becoming cold and dead.

"I was alone much of my life grown' up. Relied on my own wits and doggedness ta get me through. Met some good people, made some friends... but I could never just 'trust' anyone."

He smiled at the people in this room, his home, and sighed.

"That is till I come home an found my familia... my heart," Returning to sit beside his big brother Johnny looked directly at his father, blue eyes meeting blue eyes, "So really all that fussy stuff ya'll gave me.. Thanks. But all I ever needed was knowing how much ya thought of me, and accepted me. An let me be a part of sumpin' I'd been missin' all of my life...gracias mi familia."

The three other people in the room were silent; this was the most the errant son had spoken since he had come home. No one wanted to break the mood they all felt... fortunate and satisfied to be a part of this young man coming home and feeling at last a part of family.

Teresa was the first to move, "Well gentlemen five o'clock comes much too early for me, so good night." She first went to Murdoch and gave him a kiss on the cheek, then to the brothers as they sat looking up at her. She stood in front of them, "I want you both to know how much I appreciate you accepting me as a 'sister' and know that I will do my best to live up to your expectations, and to keep the cookie jar filled."

She bent to give Scott a sisterly kiss on the top of his mussed up blond head.

"And happy birthday Johnny, I'm so glad you found your way back to us," she bent and gave her 'brother' a gentle kiss on his cheek.

Standing she turned and walked away making her way to bed and leaving three very happy men in her wake.

Murdoch was the first to move, "Well boys I think we need to follow Teresa's example and get off to bed, this is a..."

He never finished the sentence as two voices piped up, "working ranch."

A very happy father grasped his two sons' necks in back and lowered his face to bring himself between both boys, "Sons I want you both to know how happy you have made me coming home. Know we will grow stronger together and the name of Lancer will live up through the march of time."

Straightening the older man turned and followed in Teresa's wake leaving two proud and silent sons.

Scott bumped his little brother's shoulder, "Well birthday boy I for one will take my leave and seek out my comfortable bed and the few hours of sleep allotted me."

As Scott stood, he looked down at his brother, "You know growing up I had always wanted a brother."

Johnny smirked, "Well ya certainly got one."

Scott leaned down to look his little brother in the eye, "Don't ever demean yourself to me, you are precisely what I wanted and will always want," Scott stood and swatted his brother on the arm, " Don't stay up too late."

Johnny nodded; the revelation from his brother had the younger man tongue-tied. How could you make a come back to that.

Looking up he watched his brother make his way to bed, "Scott," his brothers voice had the older man stop and turn, "Yes brother?"

"Scott I wanted ya ta know... you're everything I ever wanted in a big brother... thanks for lettin' me be your 'little' brother," Johnny grinned at the older man.

Waggling a finger Scott grinned back," You just remember who is older and wiser and... better looking."

"You got it 'big' brother... goodnight!"

"Good night 'little' brother."

There was no reason for further words, they had said it all between them through the look in the blue eyes, one deep blue the other lighter... they were brothers and would always be brothers.

The sons of Murdoch Lancer were home to stay, and that was all right with the younger son.

He lifted his eyes to the ceiling, but he saw further... into the very heavens themselves. "Gracias ... for giving me the chance to find my home... my familia... myself."

Rising he banked the fire, blew out the lamp and wearily made his way to his own bed.

Shaking his head, his bed in his house on his land, happy birthday indeed at nineteen he had come of age and come home.

LANCER


End file.
